Monday, April 22, 2013

Marbles


            She is here to bring. With the light, glowing marble in Her hand and the soft, serene smile on Her face, She waits.
He is here to take. With the dark, lifeless marble in His hand and the indifferent, emotionless look on His face, He waits.
The mother on the bed is moaning in pain; she is getting weak. The labor is stretching far too long and the midwife is worried – worried for the child, worried for the mother. She is afraid that they won’t make it. The two strangers standing by the wall, invisible to the midwife and the mother, are not afraid; they know exactly what is going to happen.
He twirls the dark marble in His hand lazily. It won’t be long now - a few minutes, quarter of an hour at most – and His marble won’t be empty anymore and there will be one less soul in the world. He doesn’t feel excited about it. In fact, He looks quiet indifferent.
She holds the glowing marble carefully between the palms of Her hands. It won’t be long now – soon Her marble will be empty and there will be one more soul in the world. She feels a million different things: excitement, contentment, happiness… and sadness.
She hates when it happens this way – when She is there to bring a new life, just to meet Him on the scene, taking one other immediately. If things always went the way they should, She and He would never meet. She would bring a soul, and He would take it decades later. But things never go the way they should.
She steals a glance at him – it’s an accusing glance, full of well-veiled hatred. He sees it, but doesn’t react. She shouldn’t hate, not Him, not anything or anybody, but She can’t help it: She hates His darkness, His constant indifference, the way He has no emotions, the way He is… the task He has been doomed with.
The mother groans again and the midwife flutters around her, her forehead just as wrenched in sweat as the mother’s. “You are almost there,” she whispers to the mother, trying to calm her, to soothe her, but the mother barely registers her voice.
He smirks. It’s almost over.
He peeks at His unwanted companion from under His lashes, His longing unseen by Her, unseen by everybody. He shouldn’t desire what She has, but somehow, He still does.
He didn’t ask for it, he didn’t ask for being Her polar opposite. He didn’t ask for being feared and resented while She is waited and loved. But this is what He has got and He won’t complain. After all, it is just a job.
He twirls the marble between His fingers.
He knows His place.
But He can’t help desiring Her.
The mother screams, and slowly, a head appears between her legs. The midwife doesn’t stop moving, once holding the mother’s hand, then, in the next moment, standing at the foot of the bed, easing the child’s way into the word.
She steps forwards, glowing marble on Her outstretched hand; Her time has come. She is almost done here. But…
She peeks behind her shoulder, looking at Him, still standing by the wall stoically, one hand in His pocket, the other clutching His marble, waiting for His time to come.
It’s no more than a minute now.
She doesn’t take Her gaze away from Him. She won’t address Him, not now, not ever, but She still pleads with Him, silently, without words. It doesn’t have to be this way… He looks away defiantly.
The mother gives one last groan as the child slips from her body. She falls back to the pillows, spent and weak, her eyelids dropping. Crimson blood seeps from between her legs, more than there should be.
The midwife is preoccupied by the child – she is small and limp and hasn’t cried out yet. The midwife’s soul freezes for a moment. So the last hours were in vain, and the child doesn’t live long enough to be placed into her mother’s arms.
But then She steps in, as graceful as ever, unseen by mortal eyes, and stands by the midwife. She touches the child’s face with one single finger, feeling the soft skin of the chubby cheeks. Then, taking a deep breath, She holds up the marble in one hand, lifts Her other hand and cracks the thin surface of the marble with her fingernail.
The marble sighs as the soul trapped inside breaks free. For a moment, the whole dim room bathes in light – it’s a shame the mother and the midwife can’t see it – and then it is quickly over as the new soul finds its way into the child’s fragile body.
In the next moment the infant gives a healthy cry.
The midwife lets out a shaky laugh – it’s not over, after all; the child is alive -, and takes her aside to clean her and wrap her in blankets. On the bed, the mother is getting weaker and weaker, but she still smiles proudly. She has done it; she brought her little one into the world. She is still bleeding, overlooked by the midwife, and her flustered cheeks slowly lose color. Her eyelids are dropping and her vision is becoming fuzzy.
She steps back to the wall again – Her work is over. The child lives, She has given her a soul. Now, it’s His turn to do what He has to.
He steps up to the mother, who is barely breathing now, and positions His hand holding the marble above her. Now, it takes only one quick, little movement. A flick of His wrist and it is over. A turn of the marble and the mother is dead.
Yet, He waits.
He doesn’t know what, but something stops Him, keeps Him away from doing what He has to.
He takes a look behind His shoulder, looking at Her. He relishes at the sight of Her – She is beautiful and pure, even He can see it. And even though She could have left by now, She is still there, waiting, staying to see the mother perish. Staying to see what He does.
If he does anything.
He sighs, His breath a sulfuric puff in the air.
After all, what one more soul in the world does? Nothing. This mother, if she lives, won’t change the world. She won’t lead armies to battle, she won’t conquer countries, she won’t change lives. She will just raise her little daughter in this tiny village. Maybe she won’t even leave this place in her life.
Whether she lives or dies, it hardly changes anything.
He makes up His mind and takes a step backwards, sliding His marble into the pocket of His robe. He has done nothing, yet His work is over for the day.
The mother takes a deep breath. She stops bleeding, and her heart starts to beat faster and stronger. The color returns to her cheeks. The next moment the midwife hands her the infant, bundled up in warm blankets and by then the mother is strong enough to hold her daughter.
Death had mercy on her today.
Meanwhile She and He exchange a glance, standing by the wall, unseen by mortal eyes. They don’t say a word – they never do -, but they still understand each other.
She is Life. She is joyous and She can’t help but detest Him. He is Her natural opposite and She hates Him for that. But today, everything put aside, She is grateful for what He did.
He is Death. He is mournful and He can’t help but desire Her. She is His natural opposite and He loves Her for that. And today, regardless of Her hatred towards Him, He put His duty aside for Her.
And because of them, mother and child are alive.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

The Second, Always The Second


            The woman is drumming nervously on the table. She arrived on time, even earlier. But this other… she is always late. Always, as if this lateness gifted her with some kind of virtue, but in reality, her behavior is simply rude and immature.
            But what could she expect from her?
            Truth to be told, even she doesn’t know why she agreed on meeting her. Not this time , or in the past, ten, twenty, fifty, hundred, thousand years ago – each occasion ended the same way anyway. And she knows that this one will end the same as well. Maybe she agrees on these meetings because the other woman, whether they want it or not, still has power over her. Just like her husband does.
            …We are the same, since both of us were created from the earth…
            She looks sideways, stealing a glance at herself in the café’s darkened windows. She looks perfect according to her own expectations – at least as perfect as she can be. Solid, cream-colored costume, which might be a little boring, and a bit tight in the waist as well, but it is good enough for her. Her once ebony hair is now striped with grey, but it is in a perfect bun. She has no wrinkles, but her breasts are sagging, and her waist is considerably bigger than it used to be. She has no unnecessary finery on – only a simple golden band on her left ring finger.
            Then the door of the café opens, and the woman steps in.
            She is still young, still beautiful – even if in reality she is older than her. Her hair is like a dark halo around her chiseled features, on which time has left no mark. Even her clothing is singing about youth – patent leather stiletto boots, dark, skin-tight jeans, clinging, blood-red shirt with low neckline. She isn’t even trying to conceal her curves.
            Still standing at the door she looks around, then when she sees her companion, walks up to her. There is something strange in her movements, something otherworldly. Like a panther, just about to attack its prey.
            As she reaches her partner, she greets her without any unnecessary courtesy or honor, as she sits down opposite her.
            “Eve.” Slave.
            “Lilith.” Slut.
            They fall silent, like every time. They have never known how to approach each other. Lastly, Lilith beckons the waiter, and breaks the silence.
            “How is he?” She asks. She doesn’t have to say who he is. They both know. There is only one person they both are linked to.
            “He is well.” Comes the answer with cold detachment. Eve doesn’t know how to handle the other. “But he still has to get over what you have done to him.”
            Lilith snorts.
            “He had plenty of time to do so. Eons.”
            “No-one forgets their very first love.” The first. The first love. The first woman. Lilith was the first. Not she. She never was.
            “He claims he loved me? How cute.” Irony is dripping from Lilith’s voice like some slowly-killing poison. “If he really loved me, then he tried to show it in a rather interesting way.”
            “He is the way he is – you can’t judge him. Still, he treated you well, admit it.”
            “He wanted me to bend over his will. To control me.” Lilith almost spats the words.
            Eve is about to answer, but the waiter arrives, with a cup of ebony-colored coffee on his tray. He looks at Lilith with undisguised lust and admiration as he places the cup on the table.
            Nobody ever looks at her like that, and nobody has ever done so. Only at Lilith.
            Eve looks after the waiter longingly.
            “You always need somebody to control you, to stop you before you do something stupid.” The apple, oh, the apple! Why wasn’t he there then?
            “Oh, you only think so.” Lilith takes a sip from her coffee. “And… this whole subservience-business didn’t turn out to be so good for you, did it?” Eve creases the hem of her skirt nervously, saying nothing. But she doesn’t need to. Lilith goes on. “Don’t worry, I would have done the same, were I in your place. I don’t judge you.” Another sip. “But you do judge me, don’t you?”
            “You left him.”
            “I had to. And you know, I would have gone back, if he had treated me like an equal. But he didn’t. He managed to get me cursed instead. Oh, but then he got you, the perfect wife, isn’t it wonderful? Mother of hundreds, who willingly fulfils each and every of his wishes, and who would never raise her voice against her dear husband. You know, sometimes I wonder if you really ate that apple.
            “I did. And I got my punishment for it. I was banished.” There is a little pride in Eve’s voice, but even she doesn’t know what she is proud of.
            “And I left on my own will. Yet, both of us were punished. Both of us are being accused, even today. You see, we’re not that different after all, you and I.
            “I am not like you!” Eve snaps.
            “No, you are not.” Another sip. “You are weaker than me. Way too weak to stand up for yourself. Too weak to make a change, to have independent thoughts.”
            “But at least I am happy!” Eve doesn’t remember standing up, yet, she is standing upright. She sits back, ashamed. If her husband saw her now…
            “Oh, really?” Lilith doesn’t loose her calmness. She is still impassible, yet scorching, just like when she arrived. “Then please tell me, where this great happiness roots? Don’t worry, I have time – no-one waits for me at home. Come on, tell me!”
            Eve doesn’t answer. She could lie to Lilith, tell her that she is happy, she has everything she has ever dreamed of… but she could not lie to herself. She isn’t happy, maybe she has never been. She has always been nothing, only the second, only the surrogate one. And whatever she did, she always remained that, while her husband was still longing after his first wife, the one who had ungratefully left him.
            “I thought so.” Lilith drinks the last of her coffee. “We are the two extremities, you know? Two examples for women, if you will, but neither of us should be followed. Because neither of us is happy, nor could we ever be, because of who we are and how we decided. We are the two poles, and extremities are never good.
            She stands up, puts her chair back into its place, then looks down on Eve.
            “Tell…” She stops for a moment. “Tell him that I miss him. And that I am sorry. Still sorry.”
            Then she turns around, and leaves the café without saying another word. Eve watches her go, and knows this wasn’t the last time they had seen each other. Until the world turns, they will meet again, to remind each other of their faults and mistakes.
            Eve glances at her watch – it is almost half past five, and she hasn’t even started cooking dinner yet, and Adam will surely be hungry.
            She stands up slowly, puts her chair back into its place, grabs her purse and puts some money on the table, then leaves the café for home.
            She might not be happy, her life, her relationship might not be perfect, but she is trying.
            Even if deep down she knows it is hopeless.